I think I'm overthinking everything - I keep thinking about my mood, mainly because everyone else's moods seem to bother me - I got up at 2-30 this morning, that is my usual habit, I cooked soup and put my mood at 6/10, then I came up here and made some music, my mood was 7/10, then I went downstairs and slept for an hour on the sofa where my mood was irrelevant, then I woke and my mood was 6/10, but it has now risen to about 8/10, I think the chocolate has kicked in, the soup is peeing out, the body is moving, all this running up and down the stairs, all this creativity, thinking of all my friends, thinking that in a few moments I will leave the house and meet a couple of them, that is actually quite depressing, but my mood will recover afterwards, I need to know they're there, but really the main joy they provide is just in thinking of them and it's only my favourite ex-girlfriend who is the one I really really like, with her it's eight and a half out of ten, which is unfair because I am such a grump and give little pleasure in return, I must stop overthinking but there is nothing else to think about or the timelessness to stop doing it - perhaps while I was making this quite-nice piece of music I came closest.
(recorded this morning - photo taken at Battersea early this year by Vanessa Oliver)
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