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hyperminimal devotional for sundays in advent

by sonja berlin-jones

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hyperminimal devotional for sundays in advent 26:59
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SUNDAY 16 DECEMBER

Forgive me I am still on a high-and-low after the world's first performance of my first ever proper carol last night. It didn't rain. I had an hour's rehearsal with the singers before the whole thing started. I was the only sober person there on the green and the longer it all went on the more alienated I began to feel. But they got the gist of it. And so did the audience.

It wasn't quite as happy an evening as I had expected. Before my carol someone called for hush and dedicated the evening to the memory of the young children killed in the American school shooting and also to the hundreds of cruise-liner-passengers who had arrived in Southampton that morning suffering from the winter vomiting virus. It just wasn't really the mood I had hoped for.

I got back home with one of those feelings of "be careful what you wish for". I had got what I wanted - and felt worse than ever. I am not the kind of musician who often gets asked to do things in public. I am not gregarious and I dislike scenes and have no networking skills. So last night's public performance was a very special opportunity. And I blew it.

No one else would remember it. And I wanted to forget it. And I think I already have forgotten it. I spent late last night organising and recording this devotional piece. It's another one that isn't as warm as I wanted. But at least no one breaks out into loud rude laughter in the middle of it.

I like this piece for it being so unromantic. I like bleak unromantic Christmases. This would be a good time to wish all my fans a very happy christmas. But I shall no doubt be making another dozen albums before Christmas Day - and will probably make a couple of albums on Christmas Day itself - seeing as when you are sober it is the most boring day of the year.

And I will be sober. There are times when I feel like the only sober person within a hundred miles - everyone around me this week has been crying and puking and laughing madly - it is the most godless time of the year - and I think this beautiful strange bleak mantra-like piece of crap suits it very well.

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released December 16, 2012

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sonja berlin-jones Southampton, UK

katharinebeastman.bandcamp.com

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