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abortive downtempo 7

by sonja berlin-jones

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FRIDAY 4 JANUARY

oh wouldn't it be lovely to live in a dream-world where everyone loves this one as much as I do. I don't love it as much as the day before yesterday's. That was so simple and so lucky. This is more studied. There is more happening. I thought that if I used twice as much of the beautiful bits it would end up twice as beautiful.

But it's only half. Still - that's better than anything else I've heard on Bandcamp today. You can't like it anywhere near the same. It's like a film. When people make a film they get so close to the story that they understand every tiny thing and they forget that the audience will be new to it and will only see it once and won't follow all the useless jumping-around in time and they'll die of boredom and that is the worst crime possible.

I was once asked "Sonja how do you make your music so beautiful?" - and I replied "Sonja I always start with something that is beautiful - and then I stop." And it's true. That is the secret. The day before yesterday I started with something really simple and beautiful (same thing) - a bit of piano and a bit of sax - and I was so bloody lazy that I stopped and pressed "export" and it was a masterpiece/mistresspiece.

This time I started with something beautiful and was feeling more energetic and like a man in a rainforest I was soon building a MacDonalds. Ugh. I am playing this piece right now and realise that it is actually very nice - it's growing on me. I might put it up on Youtube. Things seems to do better there. As a newcomer to Bandcamp I am still learning that you don't just put your music on this site and sit back and wait for the fame and money and love to pour in.

No one knows you're here. No one is looking for you. Or for anything. The early internetters lied to us. They told us that everyone would be free to search for the music they adored without prejudice. But no one is searching. Everyone wants to hear the same things that everyone else is hearing - so they can have fascinating opinions about these things and fit in and all that crap.

Part of me is the same. But part of me does like to break free and hunt around on my own. We all remember what it was like when really young - to discover different thrilling new music for yourself. And I never want to lose that explorers' thrill. And I think I never want to be popular or even liked - maybe it's an old-fashioned "English" thing - if someone says something nice to me I squirm - if someone says I've just created a work of genius my natural reaction is to say Oh No and I'll say that it's crap and that the stuff THEY do is much better than mine - and tragically - they usually believe me.

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released January 4, 2013

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sonja berlin-jones Southampton, UK

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